Both behind and ahead

June is almost over. Houston is getting hot. And I am at least a month behind in writing, but I did finish my new spring semester article and get it out, and my long-suffering prose rhythm article finally found a good home. So I am both behind and ahead in the game.

I had a rough trip to the dentist this month – the first in quite awhile given my former non-insured status for nearly a decade. I convinced myself to stop drinking sodas of all kinds, even the diet stuff that I’d switched to. My diet could still use improving, but I do feel better. I’ve swore off caffeine before, but kept drinking tea; I dropped even tea this time, drinking only water, most of it filtered. Two weeks so far. At least three times a day I desperately, desperately want one. I have never smoked cigarettes, so I wonder if nicotine works the same way. Ultimately, I am sure I will give in to this minor vice, perhaps as early as tomorrow morning, but I don’t think I will ever view it as anything but an occasional treat, because something has changed; I’m getting older.

And it is very curious, getting older. Most everything works fine – in some ways I am in better shape than I was ten years ago – but some things have changed. I can’t seem to drop weight very quickly anymore – it takes more effort. Part of this is a minor struggle to lose the survival instincts that kept me from starving in my undergraduate years – eating few and cheap meals in huge portions and taking maximum advantage of any free food. Part of it, too, is the struggle to maintain a non-sedentary lifestyle when my most productive and valuable time is spent sitting in front of a computer screen or reading a book. There is heart disease on one side of the family, which I fully anticipate suffering at some point. I do have a chance, though, in that the other side is robust; fifty-fifty, I suppose, maybe better as I don’t smoke and my body index is fine.

Oh, yes, another thing about getting older – there’s an increasing amount of morbid thoughts.

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