If you can identify all ten, I will be suitably impressed and think of something apropos.
10. Third ring finger keeps itching? Surprisingly easy to keep bloodstains out of your white outfit? Manipulated by your descendants a thousand years in the future? Can’t walk where an insane, near-suicidal acrobatic leap could be done?
9. Aliens invading the earth and taking all our women? Prone to cheap porn and public urination? All out of bubblegum?
8. Rude neighbors? Nagging wife? Tempting widespread availability of firearms and explosives to solve minor problems involving common household errands?
7. Rough family life? Slowing down after 40? Terrorists and drug lords still out there no matter what you do? Can’t trust even the U.S. government? Night-vision goggles constantly chafing?
6. Male pattern baldness forcing you to shave, revealing socially awkward barcode tattoo? Poor fashion sense? Workaholic? Overall just feeling like another clone?
5. Commonly finding yourself fighting half the North Korean military by yourself? Constantly hunted by super-cold aliens that freeze your entire surroundings? Can’t use the bathroom easily in your nanosuit despite 24-hour workday?
4. Completely broke and living in a hovel because expenses following your income? Had your eye plucked from your head impromptu? Constantly manipulated by secret societies? Bad habit of finding yourself surrounded by the undead at night?
3. Shot in the head with a high-caliber revolver at point-blank range? Living in an apocalyptic wasteland with little food or water? Caught between a rock and a hard place?
2. Giant mining vessel filled with the undead? Alone in the dark? No firearms? Seeing things and going slowly insane?
1. Just got your Ph.D. in theoretical physics? Constantly chased by crack military units and bloodthirsty aliens? No combat training whatsoever?