The news out of Russia today was absolute batshit. There is no Western equivalent to what just happened, but let me draw a parallel.
Imagine, hypothetically, that the United States employs tens of thousands of mercenaries for off-books operations that are paradoxically done in the open. Let’s call this organization the Hendrix Group (hey, after all, Jimi was once a member of the 101st Airborne).
Many of its members are straight from U.S. prisons, and have been used as cannon fodder in a long, deadlocked, offensive war against Mexico; before that, the Hendrix Group was used worldwide, mostly in Africa, to prop up this or that warlord for vague U.S. interests.
The head of the Hendrix Group is John Smith, a former convict and later restaurateur and troll farm operator who rose to his position after having curried favor with our President, a ruthless dictator who has been in office for over 20 years after endless fake elections.
Smith likes to boast about himself and the Hendrix Group on social media and feels popular enough that he can even critique his boss (whose enemies have a strange tendency to suddenly throw themselves out of the high windows of office buildings and hotels or die from poisoned underwear) as well as the top generals in the U.S. Army that are directing the war in Mexico. The popular understanding is that our President likes having Smith around as he keeps the larger military in check and one day might be a convenient fall guy.
At a crucial moment in the long war against Mexico, right as the Mexican forces temporarily have the upper hand, Smith decides to split his 25,000+ strong forces, who have been temporarily withdrawn from the Mexican front to rest and resupply after a months-long battle, into two.
One half, with Smith, occupies a large city and supply hub near the front: Austin, Texas. They meet little or no resistance. Smith sends the other half on a beeline directly to D.C., insisting that the President fire his top generals because they launched an attack against his men… that is unconfirmed.
From all appearances, it’s a military coup.
Our President declares a rebellion is in progress and anyone taking part will be punished accordingly. He flies to Florida to hide. Florida, having its own problems and interests, turns him away, and he instead hunkers down in upstate New York. Likewise, most of Congress and Washington’s fat cats also flee.
The second force reaches the D.C. beltway in less than day, again without any major resistance. With most of the U.S. military committed to the war with Mexico, D.C. has only a small brigade and its police to protect it. If Smith divided his forces evenly, D.C. is still outnumbered at least 4 to 1. It is not clear if they will fight, surrender, or join with Smith.
Just as they do, however, the premier of Canada, a longtime friend of Smith and a naked puppet of the U.S. President, announces to the world that he has brokered a deal with Smith to keep the Hendrix Group out of Washington. Smith will move to Canada in return for amnesty, the fighters in the Hendrix Group will return to camps near the Mexican front, with any of its soldiers that took part in the rebellion receiving amnesty, and the rest being allowed to join the U.S. military.
Supposedly.
Smith is last seen rolling out of Austin with his half of the Hendrix Group as citizens cheer him on. It is not known if he actually accepted a deal, or he’s merely re-consolidating his forces; D.C. and Canada are in roughly the same direction if you start from Austin.
The Mexican government and press spend most of the day laughing their asses off.